Sometimes I envy people that have a blog visited daily by family members and friends. A never ending stream of support given from such people to someone they love and admire, and wish to comfort. Names are given, identities defined... whilst my blog and myself for the most part, remain anonymous. Even the people I write about remain lost in the fog of anonymity, names never supplied, although relationships are defined.
When I made this blog, it was something not to be read by anyone I knew for real. It became therapy as I struggled with something that had happened to me in the net world that I needed to find an outlet for. It wasn't something I could talk to anyone about because of the nature of the situation, so my catharsis became this blog, from which for a little bit, vituperous diatribe was released.
In time, this changed and those posts were deleted. There were a few reasons that I did this -- for one, I began to realize that it is possible that someone that I knew could stumble across this blog and huge embarrassment would have ensued. It also quickly became apparent that re-reading about what had happened did not in any way, help. Instead, it revived forgotten feelings of loss and anger, which was counter productive for me.
The saying, 'Time heals all wounds', is fairly accurate, but I should think it is more.. 'Time dulls all wounds'. Some hurts never go away, but are relegated to a dull ache that is bearable.
Sometimes I wish I could say to a friend, hey! Go read my blog and comment! Sometimes I wish I could post something so dramatically wonderful that people that I knew and admired would flock to read it.
Usually, though, I am content to know that I have made a few connections because of my blog and others, to find people that although I may never meet, I have grown to admire and empathize with.
2 comments:
I know.
Emotional pain is so much harder for me than physical. If it's physical I can pinpoint it, put a band aid on it, acknowledge the appropriate time needed for a scab to form or a bone to mend. Doctors have such concrete guidelines for those things.
The other kinds of pain are so vague and difficult to define. Even if found, the boundaries aren't always clear. How does one heal? Time is the only salve we know.
Whatever you posted before, you probably needed to post just to let it out and let it go.
As for friends and family reading the blog...er...I can attest; that's not always a bonus.
I think you are warm and empathic; and also much stronger than you may realize. Hang in there.
I like your blog. I will be happy to read it. I will add it to my blogroll:-) I have deleted posts before that I might prove to be hurtful to myself or someone I love if read by the wrong person. Sometimes it is a bummer to have loved ones reading your blog. It definitely makes you think about what you are posting.
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