Why I am here

I have often pondered what brings people to the internet. What draws us here, entices us to reach out, to be vulnerable. What makes us 'need' to log on in the mornings, after work... and before bed.

My thoughts turn to my own motives and it brings me back to a time that things were so different. My husband was a track coach and from March to May he was (and still is) fairly nonexistent. I was graced with two lovely little girls, but my day was pretty much spent with Sesame Street, Barney, and crayons. I needed something more.

I was 33 years old when I first logged on to the internet. I can remember how odd it felt – what was this thing, a browser? What did that mean? So naïve and so lost! Eventually I found my way to a place that offered free web pages – Geocities. I became fully immersed in my first ever, online community.

You know, we all have our own prejudices and misconceptions, and I found a lot of my own being removed as I began to meet and talk with others. I listened to and developed an appreciation for different cultures and languages. I found that many 14 year olds were more mature than many 44 year olds I met on the net. I found that people lied like a dog, on the net. I found that people fell in love and out of love on the net. But most of all, I found a rich environment that only someone else who was ‘online’ would understand.

Some of my best friends then were young teenagers – something I never thought would happen. They would talk to me of their day, their troubles. I guess in a lot of ways, I became looked upon as an internet ‘mom’.

But times and situations change – Geocities eventually sold out to Yahoo! and the program so enjoyed by so many went the trashy trail that so many chat rooms have denigrated into. I kept in touch with many via ICQ and other chat mediums, but these people were at a most dynamic time in their lives. Things change so rapidly from the ages of 14-30, where as for me – things pretty much stayed the same.

Every now and again, I get an email from one of my ‘kids’ saying, “remember me? We used to chat in Area51!” And it is always a thrill to see how they’ve grown, matured, and who they’ve become. You see, I am a constant. My net presence has not waned but rather, grown, and I am rather easy to find. And even though I at times hide behind different aliases, those that know me best know how to reach me. Please never stop, guys!

I miss the days when I turned on ICQ and it lit up like a Christmas tree. Since I no longer frequent chat rooms, (I just can’t stomach what they’ve become as I remember what they used to be…) my contact list has dwindled. A lot of people I bump internet elbows with now are people who play online games such as Everquest and World of Warcraft. These people for the most part do not need the outside influence of chat mediums, but rather use intergame messaging systems. This is all well and good – unless you happen to leave the game, and thus, leave many friendships behind.

In retrospect, I would have to say I come to the internet for companionship, for entertainment, and to learn about others. It has been a journey not always travailed with ease, and there have been heartaches along the way. I have grown to love dearly those of you that are so diligent in keeping in touch with a sometimes mopey, moody woman prone to spurts of loneliness.

Thank you for being here.